My Mommy Identity

Hello!  I'm back after some time away from my blogger screen.  I've contemplated for some time whether to continue blogging or not.  Between an active 11 month old, an apartment which entails up keeping and an amazing and loving husband I have plenty to keep myself busy.  From time to time as I encounter life I say to myself, "this would a be a good thing to blog about".  Whether my blog is read by friends or a stranger, I hope it brings a little of something that wasn't there before.

My Mommy Identity

I've come to realize that becoming a mommy can be like entering high school all over again. I have found myself trying to decide what type of mommy I want to be.  There are so many options out there!  The mommy who blogs, the mommy who grows her own garden and makes her own soap, the well put together mommy, the artsy and crafty mommy, the mommy whose house always clean, the mommy who fulfills all the previously mentioned and more!  Do I want to be the trendy mommy, the  simple mommy, the play date mommy, and the list goes on! Sorting this out can be such a trouble some thing.  Then after you've decided what type of mommy you wish to become comes the "then just be" part.  It's just like choosing a costume and playing the part! We all know that's so not true.  As a result of my frustrations and identity crisis, I've decided I want to want to be the mommy who simply reflects the love of God before her children.  I can sometimes drive my husband crazy with a quote  of mine, "what will it matter in a million years???"  Well, this will definitely matter!  Whether I'm a blogger, gardener, well put together or crafty will probably not matter much.  My response unto Him who has saved me and  the reflection my children see of that will totally matter and can possibly affect the lives of generations to come.  I hope to remind myself of this when I encounter that daily nagging identity struggle.

ML

Whipped & Creamy

My heart was set on making Shaun some 4th of July cupcakes today.  In the midst of chicken soup brewing on the stove top and a fussy little cranky but handsome baby at my feet I realized I failed to buy butter cream icing!?  Instead, I bought whipped and creamy =( BIG MISTAKE!

So instead of....

I was really looking forward to trying this! Perhaps I should take a
cake decorating class prior to attempting this!

 ...it was...

There was no way my whipped and creamy icing was going to do
anything but look whipped and creamy :)  Lesson learned!

Goals for July

Considering today is the last day of June I thought it would be nice to have some goals for the coming month.  So here they are...

July Goals

1. Finish reading A Tiger in the Kitchen: A Memoir of Food and Family by  Cheryl Lu-lien Tan.  This book has been such a great read for me.  I first read about it in the Houston paper.  It has helped me in understanding as well as appreciating the Singaporean culture just a little bit more. 
2. Get both Shaun and I vaccinated against  whooping cough (pertussis). According to the CDC, "pertussis is a highly contagious respiratory tract infection. Although it initially resembles an ordinary cold, whooping cough may eventually turn more serious, particularly in infants. Whooping cough is most contagious before the coughing starts. The best way to prevent it is through vaccinations. The childhood vaccine is called DTaP."
3. Organize what ever mess I have hidden under my bed over the past couple of months. 
4. Take a cake decorating class at Michael's craft store.  This one is pending the approval of my CFO. ;)
5. Utilize and follow my new little menu planner in which I have made in order to prevent me from stressing out about to cook over the course of the next month.  Hope to alleviate impulsive and rushed trips to the grocery store. 
6.  Complete my online self defensive driving course.  Enough said.  =(

As you can see my intent is to cook 3-4 times a week.  :)

With Great Pleasure and Joy

The last two days have been out of the ordinary compared to the norm.  Shaun has been homesick.  Those of you who know my husband very very very well know that he very rarely gets sick and hardly stays home as a result of being sick.  When he called me yesterday during the late morning to inform me he was coming home early (4pm) because he was feeling ill, I knew he was going to come home with more than just an ache or a sore throat.  Yes, your read right, 4pm is way early by his standards.  Well, it just so happens that today I too have joined the sickly crowd.  Thank you Eve!?  For those of you who understood, I appreciate your sympathy. Nine months ago I would have taken my "woe is me" little self and jumped right into bed with my heating pad and a bottle of Midol. Not the case today!  By God's grace alone I rose up out of my warm and comfy side of the bed to nurse and care for my wonderful husband.  It was then that I was reminded of how during my single days I held a strong desire and urge to be to a loving wife to a godly man.  God in His perfect plan and timing delivered me to him. In our talks about our future together we agreed the plan was for me to stay home once babies joined the Tan clan. I can recall being at work as a newly wed daydreaming as I stared out my window wanting to do nothing more than being at home supporting my husband.  Whether it meant folding towels, preparing dinner or making a bed my desire was for my husband.  There are many wonderful ways in which amazing wives support amazing husbands, but this was the way I desired to do so.  To some these tasks may sound menial, but to me it was and is still a sweet offering not only unto my husband, but unto the Lord.  I now stay home with our nine and a half months old son during some of the most influential years of his life.  I cook, clean, wash, dry, iron and change diapers, but I also witness some of life's most precious and beautiful moments as well as receive into my arms an amazing and hard working man at the end of each and every day.  Therefore, today while my husband is home ill and my adorable little son is hungry and cranky it is with great pleasure and joy that I serve both them and my God.

ML

Spanish, Mandarin and English???

Spanish, Mandarin and English???  I've come to realize that becoming a trilingual family has to be intentional! Speaking Spanish around Zachary has not come as natural as I thought.  With our primary languages being English, both Shaun and I often forget to turn on the switch and speak in our native languages while Zachary is around. Though, we're not quite sure how this will all work out, we feel confident that it will.  During my alone time with Zachary I attempt to speak only Spanish to him.  As Zachary and I make our way around the apartment I find random topics fur us to talk about.  Our conversations may center around the platano (banana) he has smothered all over his high chair to the secadora (dryer) he loves to bang on as we spend time in the kitchen. As I wake in the mornings I find Shaun speaking to Zachary in several different languages.  Whether it be Mandarin, Cantonese or Hokkien, both Zachary and I share the same confusion. Fortunately one of us will eventually understand.  While my efforts may seem futile at times, I try to remind myself that there is no better time for Shaun and I to share with our son the languages that have become our avenues of communication with some of our most dearest loved ones.   

Happy Tummy = Happy Baby

Play time in the kitchen!

BBQ Cupcakes

I can recall during my preteen & teen years my mother baking on  regular basis.  If she wasn't making wedding cakes, her and I were making classroom treats, cakes or pumpkin pies.  Though I never learned to make Mexican rice, tortillas, or any other dish for that matter one thing I will always keep near to my heart is baking.  Let me not mislead you, I'm no cake boss!  I'm more of a Betty Crocker/Duncan Hines kinda girl-right outta the box!  Since marrying Shaun I've thoroughly enjoyed baking for him. I love to love him this way! I mostly bake for his colleagues more than I do for him.  I love love love sending him off to work with a sweet treat for his department.  Also a good way to win him some favor with the big boss! ;)  Hopefully favor and not disgust! :)  This week I scrambled the web for a Father's Day celebration treat and found cutest little cupcake idea! I failed to take a picture of my finished product :( so instead I've pasted a picture of the one on the web. 

Keeping It Simple

Okay here I go! It's been a while since I've made time to blog.  I've got approximately 52 minutes until our little one is due to wake and demand my attention.  Zachary is a few days away from turning 9 months!  Down below are some tidbits.

Things Zachary enjoys...
1. smiling for the camera
2. watching bubbles float in air
3. taking a bath
4. hitting surfaces from the tub, window sills, TV console
5. hanging out in the bathroom, closet
6. sitting on the kitchen floor playing with Tupperware
7. saying, "ma-ma-ma-ma", "pa-pa-pa-pa", "ba-ba-ba-ba"
8. being thrown into the air
9. eating paper
10. playing with springy door stopper

Things Zachary dislikes...
1. diaper change
2. being prohibited from crawling into a closet or bathroom
3. being put down to sleep

Social Butterfly
We are so thankful that he continues to be a happy baby full of laughter and smiles. We're convinced he'll have no problem making friends.  As of yet he's not hit any major stranger anxiety.  At this time we consider that a major plus!  An extra set of hands is always helpful!  He loves to stare and laugh at other children.  Women go crazy over his one-dimpled smile.

Chomp-Chomp-Chomp
After returning from Italy we were welcomed by our smiling baby and his two bottom teeth.  Two months later Zachary's two front teeth are making their debut.  My do they look big! I will have to take credit for that.

Keep It Simple
Recently, I feel the Lord encouraging me to grow in certain areas of my life.  One area being my possessions.

 For those of you that know Shaun well, you know he is quite simple and cautious with his spending.  You can just imagine the conversations we've had about needs v. wants. Two years ago this would have been the last thing on my list to work on. Recently Shaun shared a story of a girl who only owned 100 personal items. I was impressed but not moved because I knew I could never never ever own 100 items!  "Good for her!, I thought. I later shared this with Shaun and he then said, "maybe you're not the girl who owns 100 items, but 500 items".  I thought, "hmm..that's possible! I can do 500."  I'm convinced this was the Lord's gentle way of saying I was a bit excessive.  Since then I've been filtering through our things and ridding ours lives of the extras.  Please don't be deceived, I'm not keeping count of what we own, our lives are still quite comfy, but I am reconsidering the need for things that simply down make much of a difference.  Some day, if the Lord permits, we hope to move overseas to serve the needs of those in south east Asia.  We're not sure when, where or how or even if.  Well, Shaun is pretty sure about the "if".  :)  We do know that where God leads, we will follow.  When that time comes we'll have to pack our belongings and sell the rest for a fraction of what we paid or to be donated.  This definitely encourages me to consider the cost of what I'm paying and whether I'll be okay receiving a quarter in exchange for it a couple of years later.  More than what we may lose or gain it is the mere fact that the less we take for ourselves the more we are able to give away.  That, I absolutely love!!!

ML

Italy-Day 1 Mosch Mosch

Day 1-Mosch Mosch

Our flight from Houston to Frankfurt, Germany went well.  The drama began once we arrived in Frankfurt.  Our flight to Verona was CANCELED and rescheduled for 4 hours later.  Okay, so no big deal we thought to our selves.  A free lunch on behalf of Lufthansa Airline and a cat nap in between with some leisurely reading did the trick. It was during this time that I was so so thankful that we left our sweet little Zachary behind.  That was until we found out (4 hours later) that our flight to Verona was canceled altogether.  We would now have to haul our behinds (in a hurry) plus our carry on luggage half way across(there was an elevator and several flights of stairs involved) the airport to catch a flight to MILAN and then take a 2 HOUR chartered bus ride to Verona.  Come again!?!?  We finally arrive in Milan about an  hour or so later. Hooray!!!! Almost there!  Oh wait, where's our luggage????  It's in FRANKFURT, GERMANY!?  It was at this point that I wanted to shed a tear or two.  The airport then make arrangements to have our luggage delivered to our hotel the next day at 10pm.  Let me repeat that, THE NEXT DAY AT 10PM. The airport provided two toiletry bags each filled with a size XX white cotton T shirt, tooth brush, tooth paste, and all the fixings to help us get thru the next 24 hours.  Sigh...  We were then sent on our merry little way to board a chartered bus heading to Verona.  Our intent was to have arrived at 2pm having been strolling together hand in hand under the beautiful Italian sun sharing a yummy gelato cone.  WRONG!!!  It was now 8pm riding along in a stale smelly charter bus under the weary Italian moon. My father in law's wonderful and gracious friends await us at the Verona airport (they themselves having been driving back and forth all day every which way to pick us us).  We then headed to Sirmione where we would be staying for the next couple of days.  After a nice dinner and a very much needed shower we were out!

Lunch in Germany :)

Cute little dessert after dinner in Sirmione. 

That's me on the web enjoying pictures of Zachary posted by my family since he's arrived in Brownsville.

Little tidbits

My post this morning originally started off as an e-mail in which I was writing to a close friend.  What was suppose to be a quick question about care packages turned into an e-mail with a couple of updates on life.  Then I thought, "Hmm..why not a post?"  Two birds with one stone! :) So here it is....

Graceful & Loving

There's a lovely woman who I have met at our church about a year ago. Her name is Dee. I met her while taking a Perspectives Class on world missions.  She's been such a blessing to me since we've met.  Reminds me of how the Lord is so merciful and so good to provide for us in new seasons and places.

Dedicating Zachary

Our church recently held a "Parent dedication and infant presentation". Shaun and I took part in this and dedicated our sweet Zachary unto the Lord. :) It really was a special moment for us.  I am continuously reminded of how we have been entrusted with such a sweet little soul.  Knowing he does not belong to us but unto the Lord really does bring comfort to my heart. 

Green Beans & Uninterrupted Sleep
Can't believe he's already 5 and 1/2 months!?  He started on solids at four months.  He's doing well with the exception of green beans. It's quite obvious he does NOT like green beans! :)  He face he makes after being given a spoonful of green beans is the cutest! He's sleeping through  the night!  Hooraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! It feels sooooooo good to get some uninterrupted sleep again!

MOPS

I've also been so blessed by the MOPS group that meets at our church twice a month.  There are so many young mommies who have chosen to put aside their professions and stay home with their babies/children. Their love for God and for their families brings me much encouragement. The Lord has again provided great company and conversation as I continue to take this amazing and drama filled path called motherhood. 

Waves

I do miss home and everyone there.  It seems to come in waves, as one friend said it best. Lately I've hit a bigger wave than usual.  With Zachary growing up so  fast, I wish family and friends were around.  At times I go off into my little dreamland and imagine going over to my parents house with Zachary and watching him play with my nephews or going over to a girlfriend's house and chatting about life while our babies play together.  I think back and consider, "what if I had resisted my husband's plan for us in leaving Brownsville? What if I had resisted the idea of coming to Houston so that I could transition more easily when we leave the states not to mention him growing professionally in his career and seeking advancement so that we could transition to Singapore thru a company here in Houston.  (Forgive my run on sentences.) I quickly realize that it would have been so much more difficult to leave the states for Singapore after having been in Brownsville any longer than we were.  Also, I'm more than positive the Lord would have brought some times of brokenness due to my resistance of my husband's leading as well as His own.  I know that I know we are in the right place at the right time.  I'm continuously humbled by how undeserving I am and how merciful and loving He is.   Time and time again He is faithful even when I am not. 

ML

Sweet Little Updates

Hello. Zachary is taking a late afternoon nap and so I thought I'd type just a bit before he wakes.  Thought I'd share some little updates regarding Zachary's development. 

Rice Cereal

We just recently started Zachary on solids.  Rice cereal was our first very exciting venture out into the world of solids.  At first Zachary was a bit upset to find that his BPA-free munchkin spoon does not provide a free flow of milk like mommy or his nightly bottle.  He was sure to express this frustration Shaun and I.  After a a couple of more days he has become much better as accepting his rice cereal as an additional component to his breakfast and lunch. 

Not looking too happy here

Looking a little happier here

Daddy's turn

Yum yum!

Second time around! Forget the bib! We're using a towel!

"Sleep Training"

Sigh..now here's something to talk about!?  Or maybe not!!  About a week or two ago we started to encourage Zachary to go down to sleep without having to be held or soothed.  Tears were indeed shed!  Both Zachary and I cried.  But after a couple of days we could see the fruit of our labor.  He now (for the most part) goes down very easily and calmly!  Hooray!!!! 

Sleeping Through the Night

Zachary is starting to sleep through the night! Yay!!!!  After a rough two weeks of 1am-4am play time due to him being jet lagged from the 14 hour difference in Singapore, he now sleeps at about 8ish and wakes at about 6ish!  He does wake up in between in which we at times respond with a comforting "pat-pat-pat" on his bottom in addition to a "shh-shh-shh".  Other times we wait just a minute to respond and back to sleep he goes.  Amazing!!!

Shrieking & Squealing

Zachary has finally discovered that he has a voice box!  He shrieks & squeals when he's happy and when he's mad.  At times he sounds like a little baby kitten outside our window looking for his mommy. 

Rolling Over

 Zachary can now roll over onto his tummy & back!  This is exciting and yet a little scary.  I'm constantly keeping an eye on him as he sleeps to make sure he's able to breath okay.  Even when I attempt to turn him back on his back he seems to turn himself back on to his side or tummy. 

Swaddle Free

No more swaddling for our little Houdini!  He is now able to sleep without being swaddled!!!

Here are a few other sweet moments...

Sporting his U of M winter wear on a chilly night

Daddy & Zachary reading "Brown Bear"

The End

Due for an explosive diaper anytime now! 
On his way to our neighbors apt while mommy goes to the dentist.

3am and 5 days later

Well, I guess 3am is better than 1am!  Yesterday was a hard & long day for baby & I.  Zachary is not happy about being put down and out of mommy & daddy's arms.  Not good! Singapore was full of open arms embracing Zachary morning, day and night.  Not so back home.  As much as I'd love to hold my darling little baby all day long it's just not possible nor is it healthy for him.  So Zachary as a result is no longer being rocked to sleep nor sleeping in mommy or daddy's arms.  This is definitely a hard transition for us.  In the mean time we take it moment by moment and continue to reassure our sweet little baby that we love him dearly.  Sigh...

This morning he woke at 3am and wanting to play.  Considering we're all still a bit jet lagged it's only fair to let Zachary play a bit.  After all, mommy's been getting up at all crazy hours of the night to play.  Daddy on the other hand has been sleeping well.  Argh!?  :)

3am Moments



1am and 4 Days Later

It's 2am and 4 days later and my sweet little Zachary has not fully recovered from his jet lag.  Who can blame the little guy!? Shaun and I are still struggling to adjust as well.  I've convinced myself to endure for a week.  The same occurred in Singapore. After a week he was back on schedule.  Unfortunately,  two weeks later we packed our back and headed back home.  Now we're back at square one. As I finish up this little post type Zachary is laying next to me swinging his feet in the air while being mesmerized by the lights on our little Christmas tree.  Yes, our Christmas tree is still up and running! 

Bitter Sweet

Our three weeks have finally come to an end.  Both bitter and sweet it is to leave Singapore and return back to the states.  Each time we leave I can't help but feel sad about Shaun leaving his loved ones and his homeland.   Airport good byes are always a teary one for me when we leave his family.  Though we're sad to leave, we are also eager to head back home and begin the New Year with our little family of three.  With all the visiting and food craze there's not been very much time to reflect on the past year and anticipate what's to come this year.  This will also be the start of my season with Zachary with out family around to help.  My mom as well as Shaun's mum have been around to support us for the last 3 1/2 months.  So graciously and selflessly they served our new little family.  I'm positive it will be a definite challenge attempting to juggle house chores, caring for Zachary, and much more but I eager and excitingly accept the challenge! 

Below are some pictures during our last week here in Singapore. 

New Year's Eve Steam Boat.  Every has their own little pot where they can fish for yummy
foods like fish, seafood, chicken, beef, veggies, etc.  Very cool idea!

Shaun's godson and his daddy opening Christmas present from godpa.  This gift took up half a suit case!?

Great grandma

Great grandma feeding Zachary

Happy Birthday Ryan!!!

Daddy & Zachary play a game on the ipod

Sweet Baby Zachary

On the MRT/train.  Talk about invasion of my personal space!?

To the front...

...to the back.

Love this!!!

Out with our friends Wendy & Nino

Yummy shaved ice for dessert!

What a sight to behold.  Shaun and I returned from our little outing to find our sweet
 Zachary holding on tight to my rolled up shirt!

Laksa! Love this! It's a noodle soup with seafood & poultry in a coconut curry sauce broth.

Chicken Rice!

On the bus

Need I say more?

Zachary still in modeling mode

Out and about

Zachary enjoying tummy time Asian style.  Neat little tummy plat form that spins.

Can't wait to see Zachary standing on his own

At a house church service-HMCC. Shaun's church from
Michigan started a church in Singapore





Zachary's hang out place while mommy puts her make up on

Auntie Candy feeding Zachary



Poor daddy.  About to embark on a shopping trip



Zachary at the end of our shopping trip

Fish head curry.  Very spicy!!!

One of Shaun's fav ice creams treats

Yum yum!



Only in Asia



Interesting bus stop

Steam boat again!

Lou Hei-means to mix & to raise. Chinese New Year custom.

So yummy

Everyone ready???

Mix & raise!

and now to EAT!!!

Auntie Josephine feeding Zachary

Great grandma singing Zachary to sleep.  Priceless!

Grandpa Tan feeding handsome Zachary